LOOK AT THIS GODDAMN DRINK, SO BEAUTIFUL.
IT’S CALLED ‘ITALIAN SODA’
BECAUSE ITALIANS KNOW HOW TO DO FUCKING EVERYTHING PERFECTLY. JESUS FUCK, LOOK AT THAT SHIT. PASTA AND PAINTINGS AND NOW THEY’VE MADE SODA INTO A FACE-SMASHING ART!
HOW THE HELL DO YOU MAKE SOMETHING THIS FLAWLESS?
WELL SAUNTER INTO THE KITCHEN, MY LOVELY LITTLE SHITS, BECAUSE IT’S TIME TO GET COOKING!
INGREDIENTS YOU NEED INCLUDE SOME WATER, SUGAR, HALF-AND-HALF CREAM AND CLUB SODA,THEN BLUEBERRIES OR STRAWBERRIES.
FIRST, YOU’LL MAKE SOME FUCKING FRUIT SYRUP. IF YOU FEEL LIKE CLIMBING MOUNT EVEREST IN YOUR UNDERWEAR, BLUEBERRIES IS PROBABLY BEST FOR YOU, AND YOU’LL NEED 3 CUPS OF THOSE BEAUTIFUL DARLINGS.
IF YOU WANT TO WRESTLE SOME GREAT WHITE SHARKS WITH A DEER HAUNCH STRAPPED TO YOUR ASS, THEN STRAWBERRIES SOUNDS LIKE THE BETTER FLAVOR FOR YOUR FLAWLESS MOUTH. YOU’LL NEED 4 CUPS OF CHOPPED STRAWBERRIES.
PICK YOUR FRUIT AND STICK WITH IT!
SHOVE 2 CUPS OF WATER INTO A POT, WITH 2 CUPS OF SUGAR! KEEP THAT SHIT ON ‘HIGH’ TEMPERATURE AND STIR UNTIL IT JUST LOOKS LIKE THICK WATER.
PREPARE YOUR BODY, BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS MAGNIFICENT.
JUMP OUT OF AN AIRPLANE AND TOSS THE 4 CUPS OF STRAWBERRIES OUT OF THE ATMOSPHERE AND INTO YOUR POT.
ALTERNATELY, IF YOU’RE FEELING LIKE A LAZY SHIT, YOU CAN SCOOP THE FRUIT UP WITH YOUR HANDS AND DUMP THEM INTO THE POT LIKE A FUCKING WUSS.
LET IT BOIL FOR 10 MINUTES, WHILE YOU’RE WAITING, YOU CAN GO SWALLOW A FUCKING TIME VORTEX TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE, BUT GET BACK IN TIME TO TAKE THAT SHIT OFF THE HEAT.
PUT A BOWL UNDER YOUR STRAINER BEFORE YOU SHOVE YOUR MIXTURE INTO IT, BECAUSE YOU’RE SAVING THE SYRUP, AND THE FRUIT ALREADY DID ITS JOB.
SHOVE THIS DELICIOUS SYRUP SHIT INTO A CUP SO IT’LL BE EASIER TO HANDLE. I MAKE DOUBLE BATCHES AND KEEP THE EXTRA STUFF IN A BOTTLE MADE FROM CRYSTALLIZED TIME LORD TEARS AND CHILDREN’S LAUGHTER.
SHOVE YOUR SYRUP IN THE FREEZER FOR AN HOUR, BECAUSE IT NEEDS TO COOL THE FUCK DOWN!
NOW GET OUT YOUR JESUS FUCK THIS IS SO FANCY TYPE OF GLASSES, HELL, MAYBE YOU FEEL LIKE USING YOUR ANCIENT CRYSTAL CHAMPAGNE FLUTES, WHAT THE FUCK EVER. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK
FILL THOSE BEAUTIFUL BASTARDS WITH ICE.
FILL ¼ OF THE CUP WITH YOUR SYRUP.
THEN GET IT UP TO THE ¾ POINT WITH CLUB SODA.
AND TOP IT OFF WITH SOME HALF-AND-HALF.
BEAUTIFUL BOUNCING TITTIES THAT LOOKS WONDERFUL.
STIR THAT SHIT UP AND ENJOY YOUR FUCKING ITALIAN SODA!Thank you karkat
I like this
what if this is actually my headcanon
who brought this back i want names
What the hell? Hahahaha this is great
did you know that “fjadrargljufur” is not me keyboard smashing but an actual place in iceland
The entire country is one big keyboard smash
K
I don’t even know why I’m laughing so hard
LAUGHING HARDER THAN I SHOULD
women give birth…they literally have the power to end the human species if they decide in unison to boycott humanity. So men, you should probably stop shitting on women, you have no clue what you’re fucking with.
boycott humanity
*is at the movies with a hot date* *does fake yawn to put arm around them* *yawns too hard and inhales a child from the row in front*
